Thoughts on Same-Sex Marriage


     I appreciate the opportunity I had this week to read the summary of the U.S. Supreme Court's decision on the case of Obergefell v. Hodges (The U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to legalize same-sex marriage) Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States. It was very enlightening, to say the least. As I considered the reasons laid out for the majority's ruling, and then statements of those who dissented, the question of, "What is the purpose of marriage?" kept cycling through my mind. To answer this question, I had to consider the usefulness of marriage as it was thousands of years ago, throughout time, over the ages, and up to today. It is such an innate part of my everyday life, that to consider this question was a very weighty matter. Depending on what I could conclude, the whole structure of what is holding my life together could change dramatically. 
As I read through the majority's reasoning for their ruling to cause all states to legalize gay marriage, my heart went out to so many who are wanting the basic components of life, such as love and companionship, that are fundamental to the human soul, but are denied the opportunity to express that union in such a transcendent way as marriage. I appreciate that there are those in the gay and lesbian community that, instead of trying to denigrate marriage, they want to rise to it, and find comfort in the respect it deserves. 
     However, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I also have the utmost respect for God's law, and as I have learned, His law is that marriage is between a man and a woman. And I can see the validity of that stance as well. I know Heavenly Father loves all of his children. He does not want to deny any of them any blessing whatsoever, especially the greatest of all blessings, marriage and family. So how can these two diametric issues be reconciled? 
For me, it all came down to what I found to be the purpose of marriage, not just within the past 15 years or so, but what has been the core purpose of marriage throughout human history? Why do people get married?  
     Every person born has an innate need to bond with another person. That need naturally portrays itself in each of us as an instinct to procreate. Therefore, “the first bond of union is that between husband and wife; the next, that between parents and children; then we find one home, with everything in common.” (Chief Justice Roberts) Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States, p 44.
     We must procreate to survive. Procreation occurs with sexual relations between a man and a woman. When those sexual relations result with the creation of a child, that child’s likelihood is greatly benefited when the father and mother stay together in a committed relationship to raise and nurture the child together. Therefore, for the good of the child and for society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to each other in a lasting bond. Society, for thousands of years, has called that bond marriage. Justice Roberts insightfully said, “…by bestowing a respected status and material benefits on married couples, society encourages men and women to conduct sexual relations within marriage rather than without. As one prominent scholar put it, ‘Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children that the mere desire for children, and the sex that makes children possible, does not solve.” J. Q. Wilson, The Marriage Problem 41 (2002).”
     I found that to be the purpose and the definition of marriage. Why can’t marriage be between two people of the same sex, then? Because they cannot procreate. And that unique bond between a man and a woman designed to encourage them to stay together for the good of the children they create together is called marriage.
     This conclusion was strengthened and reaffirmed to me when I read this statement by President Russell M. Nelson, who was then an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and is now the president of the church:
            “The greatest guardians of any and all virtues are marriage and family. This is particularly the case with the virtues of chastity and fidelity in marriage, both of which are required to create enduring and fully rewarding marriage partnerships and family relationships.
            “Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad.” Nelson, Russell M. (2014, Aug. 14). Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage. Brigham Young University Commencement. 

     I want to be clear that I do not wish to withhold joy from anyone’s life. I have empathy for all who desire to marry, but cannot for whatever reason. Defining marriage in this way is in no way an attempt to disrespect or subordinate gay or lesbian couples. I do not doubt their real feelings for one another, nor their desire to have society recognize their committed relationship. But the relationship between a husband and wife is unique to all other relationships. I cannot endorse changing the definition of marriage because the whole purpose of marriage, the reason we even have that word, is to define that uniqueness, the bond between a man and a woman that encourages them to stay together for the good of the children that their procreative powers brought into existence.
     We are all loved more than we can image by the Father of us all. Some things are hard for us to understand right now, but I hope that we can all show each other the understanding and patience and empathy each one of us would ask the other to show us. Hopefully, with soft hearts, we can still live together in peace.

Here are a few great links to check out:

Dushku, Alexander (July 7, 2015). The religious freedom implications of the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex marriage in Obergefell V. Hodges. (Links to an external site.) Religious Freedom Annual Review (Conference), Brigham Young University.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Divine Institution of Marriage.




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