Nurturing Relationships

               Talk about pain! Before I gave birth to my first child, I had never experienced such extreme physical pain. It literally felt like I was being turned inside-out and my insides ripped out of me. When I thought I could not handle it anymore, Devin bent low, his face close to mine, and said, “You gotta get this baby out, Susan. You can do it!” His encouragement and belief in me gave me the last surge of strength I needed to give life to our first child – a sweet, tiny baby girl we named Lucy. His encouragement aided me through four more births.

                The tender place in my heart where I store these memories, the giant ball of emotions and thoughts and feelings, the sense of awe and wonder, the balloon of gratitude toward my Heavenly Father, my husband, and those sweet babies who came to Earth so I could be their mommy – that place where I treasure those fond memories and feelings is so easily evoked that, I am a little embarrassed to admit, I am tearing up right now as I type this blog. Of the many notable lessons I began to learn that day, one, in particular, always stands significantly at the forefront of my mind; I needed Devin, and he was there for me. I know I loved him deeply before that day, but seeing my husband come through for me in such a meaningful way, humbled me and filled me with gratitude. I began to understand the meaning of love a little bit more clearly.

                Deep, sustaining love is not easily reached. It comes as a gift, earned from devotion, selfless acts of kindness, hours of service, putting aside ones’ own comforts for the well-being of another, and unwavering trust. It grows through the difficult times of marriage, if we let it, because those are the times we are stretched and molded. When we sacrifice for each other, we are telling the other partner, “You are the most important person to me.  I am there for you.”

                Such sacrifices require faith in Jesus Christ. If any of us could have seen the future before we leaped into the dance of marriage, we may not have been quite so eager to get on the dance floor. The rewards of our sacrifices are not immediately present. Some may take years.

                In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. W. Goddard wisely teaches, “Heaven draws us toward godliness. Our sacrifices are the paltry down payments on our Heavenly Homes. Making such payments requires faith in the Lord Jesus Christ since the rewards are beyond our view. Faith is precisely what God wants us to cultivate. "Wherefore, thou shalt do all that thou doest in the name of the Son, and thou shalt repent and call upon God in the name of the Son forevermore" (Moses 5:8, emphasis added).

                Each of us should pray earnestly for the heavenly help to make those sacrifices that will sanctify our relationships. As we enter our homes, we can pause to beseech God to grant us grace, goodness, mercy, compassion, and patience. We can ask Father to help us see our partner and his or her struggles with the loving-kindness with which He views them. In so doing, we place our time, our minds and our hearts on the altar. That is the ultimate offering, the required sacrifice. Making this sacrifice is the heart and soul of the required obedience.”

                Along those same line, President Henry B. Eyring (a leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) counsels, “Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”

                Although it takes some hindsight to say this with confidence, I am thankful for the challenges in my marriage that help the two of us grow and develop. Through experience and faith, I know Devin is there for me, he has my back. I have covenanted with God to be there for him too. Through the mercy of Jesus Christ made possible through His Atonement, He can help us look past grievances and annoyances in our marriage, and see our mate the way He sees them. 

                So, my challenge to you is to pray for the strength to look past some of those things in your spouse that have been bothering you lately. Then fill that space with opportunities to notice the good instead. Recall how you first met, your wedding day, some of the best dates you’ve had together, etc. Notice the good your spouse does every day. Cherish them. Build your sense of appreciation. This is a good foundation for trust. As you nurture your loving feelings for your spouse, I hope you will both see that your spouse is there for you, and increase in your devotion to be there for your loved one.