Enriching, Revitalizing, and Rescuing Marriages

                           Have you ever considered your sexual relationship with your spouse as a stewardship? As in, it is the responsibility of you and your spouse to take care of the sexual well-being of your relationship. For many married couples, it may seem like this aspect of their marriage should take care of itself, but if that is the case, warning sign and symptoms of distress may go unnoticed until damage has already taken place.                 In his paper, Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage , S.E. Brotherson suggests taking this approach, especially if one tends to avoid dealing with sexual feelings or challenges in marriage. He quotes Dr. Brent Barlow, a professor of family life at Brigham Young University, who teaches this same idea to his students, using scripture as the root of the teaching: Matthew 25:14-30 and 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Dr. Barlow expounds: “Implied are at least three elements that characterize successful stewardship: (1) agency, (

                                                                  I can’t think of anything more hopeless than being stuck in New York City 5 o’clock traffic. Thank goodness I’ve only seen picture and have never experienced it. That’s what I thought of this week when I learned about couples in gridlocked conflict. A quick search on my phone brought up Wikipedia’s definition of gridlock as “a form of traffic congestion where continuous queues of vehicles block an entire network of intersecting streets, bringing traffic in all directions to a complete standstill.” This definition is similarly descriptive of marital gridlock as well.                 When the priest in  The Princess Bride  described marriage as a “ bwessed event ” and that “ dweam wifin a dweam ” he was not describing how one feels during the low, grueling, heart-wrenching aspects of marriage. There are times when spouses look at each other and wonder, “Who are you and where did you come from?!” Gridlock occurs

               Every relationship is a combination of individuals with their own personalities, likes and dislikes, values, temperament, and personality quirks. Naturally, couples must deal with differences in opinion from time to time. Some differences may seem small and inconsequential in the long-run, others may feel overwhelming, imprisoning or lonely, and unsolvable. Dr. John Gottman, in  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , has found that all disagreements fall into one of two categories: solvable or perpetual (meaning they will be a part of your relationship in one way or another throughout the lifetime of the relationship).                 The fact that many marital conflicts are solvable, does not make them any less hurtful. The key to resolving these types of arguments is knowing how to discuss them in a productive way. Examples of solvable problems include the following: Haley wants to go to the monthly school board meetings, but Joe wants to play basketball du

               C.S. Lewis once said, “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Pride, in the form of contempt, is one of the four-horsemen talked about by John Gottman. Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Contempt is riddled with pride.                 Pride is a universal sin that seems to sneak into our beings without us even noticing. As I read in The Book of Mormon this week, I pondered Nephi’s words as he described the temptations of the devil as “mists of darkness.” (1 Nephi 12:17) Like morning dew settles on blades of grass without us perceiving the moisture in the air, Satan often tempts us in cunning, yet seemingly innocent ways, without our full cognizance. Pride slithers its way into marriage through feelings of self-righteousness, annoyance, defensiveness, unrighteous dominion, and selfishness

              Have you ever wondered if you chose the right spouse? I do not think I am alone in second-guessing my choice for a spouse from time to time. This quote from H. Wallace Goddard in  Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage   gives me reassurance for times like this: “At times of relationship stress the best of us may wonder if we should have married differently-if we made a mistake. My guess is that, in ways not discerned by us, God guided us to be together. My guess is that God can take our marital choices and make them ideally suited to bless and balance us. At my best I am the perfect man for [my wife]. [My wife] at her best is the perfect partner for me. I believe that. In fact, I believe that God guides our lives in ways that we almost never discern. Not only does He sustain us from moment to moment by lending us breath, He also guides, rescues, protects, teaches, and blesses constantly.”                 As I have progressed through this marriage class, my eyes have been