Are You a Stewardship of Intimacy in Your Marriage?

         

                Have you ever considered your sexual relationship with your spouse as a stewardship? As in, it is the responsibility of you and your spouse to take care of the sexual well-being of your relationship. For many married couples, it may seem like this aspect of their marriage should take care of itself, but if that is the case, warning sign and symptoms of distress may go unnoticed until damage has already taken place.

                In his paper, Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage, S.E. Brotherson suggests taking this approach, especially if one tends to avoid dealing with sexual feelings or challenges in marriage. He quotes Dr. Brent Barlow, a professor of family life at Brigham Young University, who teaches this same idea to his students, using scripture as the root of the teaching: Matthew 25:14-30 and 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Dr. Barlow expounds:

“Implied are at least three elements that characterize successful stewardship:

(1) agency, (2) diligence, and (3) accountability.”

                One of the ways Devin and I have taken care to be wise stewards of the intimate aspects of our marriage, has been to avoid even the appearance of sin. Devin is an eye doctor and needs to review his employees’ work with them on a yearly basis. When he first started practicing we discussed this predicament. He did not want to be alone in the building with a staff member, especially since they are all women. He also did not want to be seen in public with one of his staff, as it could be easy for observers to conjure suspicions of inappropriate professional relations or infidelity. It was also important to avoid situations where Devin and a staff member had the opportunity to become too familiar with one another.

                So, we openly discussed this problem and came up with a plan together. Lunchtime seemed to be the best opportunity to meet with staff. We talked about me attending these “review” meetings, but decided it would not be appropriate for me to hear everything they may need to discuss. That solutions just did not feel right. We decided it was OK for Devin to go out for lunch with the staff member, but they would each take separate vehicles, they would meet in public so as to avoid ever being alone, he felt it would communicate a professional encounter if he had a clipboard in hand, and he would always tell me beforehand when and where he was meeting with his staff.

                Going to these lengths reassures both of us of our own and our spouse’s accountability to our marital covenants. Brotherson wisely says, “The covenant we make with God to avoid all sexual relations outside of marriage precludes not only physical, but also romantic relationships outside of marriage, even if they are only mental or emotional.”

                According to Goddard in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, unfaithfulness to one’s spouse often progresses in a likely order: Behaviors that seem innocent > An affection grows that claims part of one's heart > Extramarital flirting. Justification—no harm intended > Relationship declared as special.

                If you have ever wondered if you or your spouse have crossed a line in faithfulness to marital vows, I suggest pondering Goddard’s list. Goddard quoted his colleague, James Marshall, when he said, “’The grass is greener on the side of the fence you water.’ If we tend our own little patch, even with all its weeds and rocks, we will find a joy that passes understanding. If we sit on the fence and dream, we will lose even our allotted garden spot.”

Brotherson, S.E. (2003). "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage."