Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening. -Frank Tyger

               C.S. Lewis once said, “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Pride, in the form of contempt, is one of the four-horsemen talked about by John Gottman. Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Contempt is riddled with pride.

                Pride is a universal sin that seems to sneak into our beings without us even noticing. As I read in The Book of Mormon this week, I pondered Nephi’s words as he described the temptations of the devil as “mists of darkness.” (1 Nephi 12:17) Like morning dew settles on blades of grass without us perceiving the moisture in the air, Satan often tempts us in cunning, yet seemingly innocent ways, without our full cognizance. Pride slithers its way into marriage through feelings of self-righteousness, annoyance, defensiveness, unrighteous dominion, and selfishness, to name a few.

                The natural man is disposed to love himself and find fault in others first. But God’s ways are higher and nobler than man’s. God urges us to repent and love man. The apostle John wrote, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” (John 13:34) And of repentance in The Book of Mormon we read, “…and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him.” (1 Nephi 10:18) As I think about it, often I am inclined to do just the opposite of what Heavenly Father would have me do. It is no surprise marriage can be so difficult at times. We often do the very things that will destroy our relationships.

                Thank goodness our Heavenly Father does not leave us to our own devices. In the May 1989 Ensign, President Ezra Taft Benson said, “God has graciously given each of us an early warning system. When we are feeling irked, annoyed, or irritated with our spouse, we have our backs toward heaven. We are guilty of pride. In a spiritual sense we are saying to our spouses, ‘You are not meeting my needs the way I would like them met. Don’t you realize that is your job?! Your every act is to be dedicated to my happiness. Now hop to it!’”

                This sentiment is familiar to me. Not long ago one evening, I walked into the kitchen to clean it up. I had a cold and just wanted to go to bed. I noticed my husband on the couch with his feet up, and grumbled to myself that he was not “hopping to it” to come help me. I had a nice pity party for myself in my head. When I had resigned myself to the idea that he really was not going to help me and I was going to have to do it all by my sick, exhausted little self (PRIDE) Devin came in the kitchen and got to work. I tucked my tail between my legs and saw my pride for what it was.

                One of the antidotes for pride is service. In that same Ensign talk, Beware of Pride (which is also an April 1989 General Conference talk), President Benson instructed, “…the highest and noblest service entail(s) sacrifice and selflessness.” When we have faith in Jesus Christ, we know that the irritations and challenges of marriage are blessings intended to help us develop our character. Responding to our challenges with softened hearts is a Christ-like endeavor that does not come easily to the natural man. But with God’s help, through Christ’s atoning sacrifice (the ultimate gesture of sacrifice and love), we can be filled with God-given charity, which is a love that conquers every difference and challenge in marriage.

See if you can detect pride in any of the four horsemen in the video below:

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