Marriage Waning - Effects of Divorce

“Mawage is what bwings us togethah today. Mawage, that bwessed awwangement. That dweam within a dweam! …then wuv, twoo wuv, will follow you forevah. So tweasure your wuv.” (The Princess Bride, movie, 1987)

                As humorous as it is, The Princess Bride is a wonderful movie that portrays a couple’s willingness to fight for each other’s love and commitment in the midst of great obstacles. This is in contrast to today’s middle America (defined by the State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project, as the nearly 60 percent of Americans age 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree) where we see the ability to achieve and maintain marriage quickly sliding away. This is alarming, especially given that this population once married and formed families within those marriages in high proportions. The State of Our Unions address mentioned above called this “the social challenge for our times.” What is taking the place of lasting marriage in America? Divorce, re-marrying, cohabitation, gay and lesbian debate, and long-term relationships without the prospect of marriage.

                The often unheard and under-represented product of these changes to the family structure is children. They are the innocent victims of parents unable or unwilling to maintain their marital union. Because most children in America are born to unwed mothers, they are growing up without stable families to help them weather the storms of life and learn how to become a contributing, well-adapted member of society.  

                So, what impact does this have on children? According to Paul R. Amato, a professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University, “children growing up with two continuously married parents are less likely to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional, and social problems, not only during childhood but also in adulthood. Although it is not possible to demonstrate that family structure causes these differences, studies using a variety of sophisticated statistical methods suggest that this is the case.” (p.75) Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children. Amato found that children who grew up in stable, two-parent families have “a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents, and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances” (p.75). Children growing up with two continuously married parents are offered the healthiest environment for growing up in terms of cognitive, emotional, and social views.

                I personally know that divorce hurts everyone involved. My parents divorced the summer of my junior year in high school, and it hurts me now almost as much as it hurt me then. Because I know that pain all too well, when I married, I made a covenant with God and Devin (my husband of 17.5 years) to love and support one another through this life and all eternity. James E. Faust (a late apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) said these strong words, “In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant. The family relationship of father, mother, and child is the oldest and most enduring institution in the world. It has survived vast differences of geography and culture. This is because marriage between man and woman is a natural state and is ordained of God. It is a moral imperative. Those marriages performed in our temples, to have eternal relationships, then, become the most sacred covenants we can make. The sealing power given by God through Elijah is thus invoked, and God becomes a party to the promises.” (Elder Faust; "Father, Come Home,"Ensign, May 1993, 35.)

                I strongly believe in marriage. I believe it is ordained of God and is the healthiest union into which we are to invite children, where we support and teach one another as a family, and learn the fundamentals of life together. As they say in The Princess Bride, it does literally “bring us together.” It cannot be sufficiently replaced by any other institution.