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In-law Relationships...da da daaa...

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    In-laws…love ‘em or hate ‘em? The parent/child relationship is one that develops over many years and is intricate and complex. It is no wonder, then, that an in-law relationship can be arduous and strenuous, especially in its beginnings. Nonetheless, there are some things the parents-in-law and the children-in-law can do to encourage the process of building a relationship.             As we look to the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ, our Exemplar, we can unders tand the first step in building a relationship, it is love. Express love for your in-laws and gratitude for all they do for you. Your parents-in-law raised the person you deemed suitable to marry; or, on the other end, your daughter/son-in-law loved your child enough to marry him/her, and that is a big deal. Before I even got married, I could see myself being a member of my husband’s family. I never felt a sense of competition with my mother-in-law for Devin’s time and attention. It felt like she was encouraging him t
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Parent/Child Dynamics - Infancy to Adulthood

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                 “I’ve learned that when you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.” – LULU – THEGOODVIBE.CO                 Let’s talk control! Some people relish a sense of power, while others recoil at the idea authority. Whatever your preference, there are two stages of life I want to discuss today where the careful management of control is necessary in the maintenance of good relationships.                 The first situation of control is within the parent/child relationship. The idea of parents “controlling” their children raises the hackles on the back of some people’s necks. They see it as their job to encourage their child’s free spirit. On the other hand, keeping tight reigns on a child’s privacy and always having the last (and sometimes only) say over a child’s decision-making is what brings other parents a sense of comfort and control. So, who is right and where do you fit on the scale?                 Parents give us a stable launching pad from which to
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Are You a Stewardship of Intimacy in Your Marriage?

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                           Have you ever considered your sexual relationship with your spouse as a stewardship? As in, it is the responsibility of you and your spouse to take care of the sexual well-being of your relationship. For many married couples, it may seem like this aspect of their marriage should take care of itself, but if that is the case, warning sign and symptoms of distress may go unnoticed until damage has already taken place.                 In his paper, Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage , S.E. Brotherson suggests taking this approach, especially if one tends to avoid dealing with sexual feelings or challenges in marriage. He quotes Dr. Brent Barlow, a professor of family life at Brigham Young University, who teaches this same idea to his students, using scripture as the root of the teaching: Matthew 25:14-30 and 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Dr. Barlow expounds: “Implied are at least three elements that characterize successful stewardship: (1) agency, (
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Relationship Traffic Jam - GRIDLOCK

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                                                                  I can’t think of anything more hopeless than being stuck in New York City 5 o’clock traffic. Thank goodness I’ve only seen picture and have never experienced it. That’s what I thought of this week when I learned about couples in gridlocked conflict. A quick search on my phone brought up Wikipedia’s definition of gridlock as “a form of traffic congestion where continuous queues of vehicles block an entire network of intersecting streets, bringing traffic in all directions to a complete standstill.” This definition is similarly descriptive of marital gridlock as well.                 When the priest in  The Princess Bride  described marriage as a “ bwessed event ” and that “ dweam wifin a dweam ” he was not describing how one feels during the low, grueling, heart-wrenching aspects of marriage. There are times when spouses look at each other and wonder, “Who are you and where did you come from?!” Gridlock occurs
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Solving the Solvable and Understanding the Perpetual

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               Every relationship is a combination of individuals with their own personalities, likes and dislikes, values, temperament, and personality quirks. Naturally, couples must deal with differences in opinion from time to time. Some differences may seem small and inconsequential in the long-run, others may feel overwhelming, imprisoning or lonely, and unsolvable. Dr. John Gottman, in  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , has found that all disagreements fall into one of two categories: solvable or perpetual (meaning they will be a part of your relationship in one way or another throughout the lifetime of the relationship).                 The fact that many marital conflicts are solvable, does not make them any less hurtful. The key to resolving these types of arguments is knowing how to discuss them in a productive way. Examples of solvable problems include the following: Haley wants to go to the monthly school board meetings, but Joe wants to play basketball du
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Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening. -Frank Tyger

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               C.S. Lewis once said, “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Pride, in the form of contempt, is one of the four-horsemen talked about by John Gottman. Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Contempt is riddled with pride.                 Pride is a universal sin that seems to sneak into our beings without us even noticing. As I read in The Book of Mormon this week, I pondered Nephi’s words as he described the temptations of the devil as “mists of darkness.” (1 Nephi 12:17) Like morning dew settles on blades of grass without us perceiving the moisture in the air, Satan often tempts us in cunning, yet seemingly innocent ways, without our full cognizance. Pride slithers its way into marriage through feelings of self-righteousness, annoyance, defensiveness, unrighteous dominion, and selfishness
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Turning Toward Your Partner

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              Have you ever wondered if you chose the right spouse? I do not think I am alone in second-guessing my choice for a spouse from time to time. This quote from H. Wallace Goddard in  Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage   gives me reassurance for times like this: “At times of relationship stress the best of us may wonder if we should have married differently-if we made a mistake. My guess is that, in ways not discerned by us, God guided us to be together. My guess is that God can take our marital choices and make them ideally suited to bless and balance us. At my best I am the perfect man for [my wife]. [My wife] at her best is the perfect partner for me. I believe that. In fact, I believe that God guides our lives in ways that we almost never discern. Not only does He sustain us from moment to moment by lending us breath, He also guides, rescues, protects, teaches, and blesses constantly.”                 As I have progressed through this marriage class, my eyes have been
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