In-law Relationships...da da daaa...

    In-laws…love ‘em or hate ‘em? The parent/child relationship is one that develops over many years and is intricate and complex. It is no wonder, then, that an in-law relationship can be arduous and strenuous, especially in its beginnings. Nonetheless, there are some things the parents-in-law and the children-in-law can do to encourage the process of building a relationship.
            As we look to the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ, our Exemplar, we can understand the first step in building a relationship, it is love. Express love for your in-laws and gratitude for all they do for you. Your parents-in-law raised the person you deemed suitable to marry; or, on the other end, your daughter/son-in-law loved your child enough to marry him/her, and that is a big deal. Before I even got married, I could see myself being a member of my husband’s family. I never felt a sense of competition with my mother-in-law for Devin’s time and attention. It felt like she was encouraging him to take the next appropriate step in his life, which was marriage, and I was a welcome, integral part of that.  After we got married, Devin’s parents, especially his mom, went out of their way to express love and gratitude that I was a part of their family.
            Another way to nurture the in-law relationship is to look for ways to include the each other in each other’s lives. Once Devin and I were married, we were invited together as a couple to any family functions. This helped both of us feel included as another member of the family. Some things may have been done a little differently than what I or Devin was used to, but it is ok if they are different. Here’s something to keep in, “Differences are something that can be anticipated and even looked forward to because of their potential for creating growth in family members. Prayer, fasting, and loving log-suffering are the remedies when differences in children-in-laws bother us.” (Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F.)
(Here is a snapshot of some of both of our families together for Thanksgiving)
            When Devin and I got married we lived far away from either of our sets of parents because of school. Although we missed our families, this time together offered us space to define our marital relationship together and learn to count on each other through our struggles and our triumphs. Parents do well to give newly married couples time to adjust and allow them to be independent. By the time we moved closer to family again years later, we had a well-established relationship and we were so comfortable with each other, that seeking help or advice or approval outside of our marriage was foreign to us.
(Devin's side of our family)
            Relationships are tricky things. We are not static beings. Rather, we are dynamic, changing from day to day and year to year. Our relationships with family ebb and flow as well. Be patient with others and yourself. It is OK not to enjoy every minute of togetherness with family, but a willingness to accept change and to forgive in-laws (and ask for forgiveness) are important ways to show respect for your spouse, and to encourage healthy relationships. If we pray to see others as Heavenly Father sees them, He can soften our hearts and open doors of love and understanding.
References:
Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.  Link

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