Enriching, Revitalizing, and Rescuing Marriages

               Talk about pain! Before I gave birth to my first child, I had never experienced such extreme physical pain. It literally felt like I was being turned inside-out and my insides ripped out of me. When I thought I could not handle it anymore, Devin bent low, his face close to mine, and said, “You gotta get this baby out, Susan. You can do it!” His encouragement and belief in me gave me the last surge of strength I needed to give life to our first child – a sweet, tiny baby girl we named Lucy. His encouragement aided me through four more births.                 The tender place in my heart where I store these memories, the giant ball of emotions and thoughts and feelings, the sense of awe and wonder, the balloon of gratitude toward my Heavenly Father, my husband, and those sweet babies who came to Earth so I could be their mommy – that place where I treasure ...

              What if someone told you that after watching and listening to a couple for only 15 minutes, they could predict with 91% accuracy whether they would stay happily married or eventually separate in divorce? Seems a little far-fetched, right? Well that’s exactly what Dr. John M. Gottman claims in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work . In his laboratories, Dr. Gottman watches couples’ body language, the way they argue with one another (note: not IF they argue, but the WAY they argue), their physiological responses to an argument, and their overall friendship. He watches to see if their positive thoughts and feelings toward each other and their relationship outnumber the negative ones. These, and other factors, help Dr. Gottman access the quality of the couple’s friendship. And it is this deep friendship that is at the heart of a happy couple’s marriage. Dr. Gottman defines friendship as, “a mutual respect for and enjoyme...

               My Sonicare toothbrush that I’ve been using for years finally kicked the bucket last week. I haven’t bought a replacement yet, so there the broken one sits, still on my bathroom counter. Annoyingly, I keep reaching for it every time I brush my teeth, only to remember I have to use my cheap toothbrush from the dentist instead.                 Habits are hard to break. Some habits have a positive effect on our lives, and some are more negative. So how do our habits affect others around us? I kept this in mind this week as I studied 3 generations of marital habits in my paternal and maternal family. I was interested in which marriages stayed together, even through the rough times. Which ones dissolved in divorce? How did cohabitation affect later commitment? What role did religion play in a marital relationship? How did adoption affect marriage? I am a mem...

     I appreciate the opportunity I had this week to read the summary of the U.S. Supreme Court's decision on the case of Obergefell v. Hodges (The U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to legalize same-sex marriage) Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States. It was very enlightening, to say the least. As I considered the reasons laid out for the majority's ruling, and then statements of those who dissented, the question of, "What is the purpose of marriage?" kept cycling through my mind. To answer this question, I had to consider the usefulness of marriage as it was thousands of years ago, throughout time, over the ages, and up to today. It is such an innate part of my everyday life, that to consider this question was a very weighty matter. Depending on what I could conclude, the whole structure of what is holding my life together could change dramatically.  As I read through the majority's reasoning for their ruling to cause all sta...

“Mawage is what bwings us togethah today. Mawage, that bwessed awwangement. That dweam within a dweam! …then wuv, twoo wuv, will follow you forevah. So tweasure your wuv.” ( The Princess Bride , movie, 1987)                 As humorous as it is, The Princess Bride is a wonderful movie that portrays a couple’s willingness to fight for each other’s love and commitment in the midst of great obstacles. This is in contrast to today’s middle America (defined by the State of Our Unions 2012 ; The National Marriage Project, as the nearly 60 percent of Americans age 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree) where we see the ability to achieve and maintain marriage quickly sliding away. This is alarming, especially given that this population once married and formed families within those marriages in high proportions. The State of Our Unions address mentioned above called this “ the social ...